my persons, my words.

Today is 10 June 2009. It’s actually that day in the year where I get a little bit older, but just a little bit. It’s depressing though, knowing I’m growing old, and nowhere near what I want. I have so many wishes for this year to come. I want love, and him (even though maybe it’s too much to ask). I want to be happy, and make some progress in my writing, and find a happy medium with everything. And well, someone to believe in me as much as I don’t believe in myself. That is exactly what I need. But I never really get exactly what I need, especially not what I want, so it’s just a waste of time wishing and wanting. In the end I’ll just have nothing in return.

It hurts, because he terminated his relationship. At least that’s what the source told me. The source also told me that the first person he told was P. Still, she said I shouldn’t start assuming anything because truth is, the source only knows so much. Besides, he’s still in that weird place where he’s just confused and knows nothing at all. So…. Yeah. I don’t know. I sometimes feel like I just can’t stand. Sometimes I just feel completely out of control, and I’m reaching and reaching, but things are just slipping away on their own, and I have no power over anything. I have no rule over myself. I’m just a dead on body roaming around, and trying to seek for a soul to make it alive again. It’s true what he said later on, about me not being real. He said the right thing for all the wrong reasons. But of course, it’s understood, even if I know you don’t really comprehend.