Filed under: Ideas, Love, Madness, Realness, Secrets, Thoughts | Tags: blogs, burden, Happiness, jon, jonathan d beale, Love, rejection, secret thoughts, sweetness, trust, words
Oh sweetness! You should know this…
I do feel like a burden. It feels horrible. And despite what you say, my feelings still stand, and they always will. Well, I don’t know if they always will, but they surely will for quite a while. I hate the feeling though. That feeling that tells me that after a certain time, I’m just a bother. That feeling that suppresses me. That awful feeling. But it doesn’t go away. And if it doesn’t go away (if it hasn’t left yet), don’t you think it’s there for a reason? That maybe it’s trying to tell me something? that after the first several months of bliss, I’ll definitely be a bother? See, if I do get to transfer and be with you, I’ll completely erase myself from your radar for the whole week. At least for the whole day, maybe wanting to have your company at night right before going to sleep. But I don’t want you to get tired of me. I don’t want you to spend time with me because you HAVE to. I want you to do it because you WANT to. Because you love being with me, even if we’re just staring at each other, not talking. Because you love me… And my company is the best one yet! I’m just scared that right now you want me there, all the time. And then, once I’m there, all the time, with you… Then after a while you’ll completely change your mind. And that’s just going to be one of those situations where I won’t know what to do. And maybe I’ll start to roam around for a while, alone, wishing I could actually disappear to anther universe this time, so I won’t have to deal with your rejection. I guess my problem is just fear, fear that I finally have something that’s worth everything in the world, and that someday, that something that’s worth everything will want to leave me. Or your feelings will start to decay. And soon, just like a plant, it’ll die. I don’t want it to die. I want it to live and grow and be full of love, desire, and passion towards me and life, and all the things that make up life. That’s exactly what I want. And unfortunately I have no assurance that will come through for me. But I guess I just have to trust you and your feelings for now. And all those amazing, breathtaking words you keep on preaching. I love you, too much sometimes. Well, more like all the time. But yeah, I guess that’s what’s supposed to happen when someone steals your heart.
Written on 28 September 2009.
Filed under: Blogroll, Enlightenment, Happiness, Life, Love, Poetry, Realness, Thoughts | Tags: blogs, Happiness, jonathan d beale, Love, only one, period, words
There’s only one thing I want out of life,
and that is YOU.
You and your outstanding physique.
You and your underrated psyche.
Just you…
Because,
even if you don’t think so,
you are amazing.
You’re not just a man…
You’re love.
You’re sweetness.
You’re passion.
You’re strength.
You’re compassion.
You’re boldness and chivalry.
You are even the color cerulean.
But most importantly,
you are my forever.
You are my smiles,
my tears,
my laughter,
my pain,
my joy,
my breathlessness,
my desire,
my passion,
my life…
You’re even that brightly lit moon that night to night accompanies that lonely star,
which is I.
I was alone and stripped from any kind of love for an eternity and seven months…
But then you appeared,
a superhero hidden under that natural brawny figure,
sweeping me off my feet into a better world.
And now you have me completely hypnotized with those loving cerulean eyes that make me melt any time I even dare to think about them touching my skin with their gaze.
Yet every time I do,
it’s all I desire.
“Strip me naked with your inhuman eyes and make love to me,” I shout within my heart, every time.
Like you once confessed,
I don’t know how I went this long without you.
I don’t even know why I claimed wonderful things about past lovers.
I didn’t know anything about anything until you arrived.
I used to have walls,
but you tore them apart.
And now there’s just you and me in the middle of all the dust and broken pieces,
embracing each other…
Loving each other.
I guess what I’m trying to say in shorter words is that I love you,
more than anything…
more than anyone.
And that I am more than honored to fulfill the role of your angel on earth for an eternity of forevers.
Jon,
What I’m trying to say is that
YOU’RE THE ONE.
Period.
Filed under: Blogroll, Enlightenment, Happiness, Ideas, Innocence, Life, Love, Moments, Poetry, Realness, Thoughts, realizations | Tags: blogs, cerulean, Happiness, jon, jonathan d beale, Life, Love, love words, true love, words
My words have never served for much.
They’re not artistic.
They don’t even sound as such.
They don’t save lives,
and they don’t pay for my independence.
Mainly they’re just a bunch of letters put together, periods, and commas put together for my entertainment.
… Until the day when I found the source of all art,
the source that filled me up with all these magnificent new feelings and experiences,
ones I’ve never been able to experience due to my limited-pass in life.
It greeted me with extremely simple yet astonishing words that opened new doors to wondrous worlds full of exciting adventures.
It smiled a smile that blinded my eyes,
filling me up with a light that radiated from its whole being,
and an emotion stronger than life itself.
The light didn’t hurt.
The light didn’t kill.
The light healed.
And it was better than the rich sight our eyes provided daily.
“Oh! With this light as my source of life, let me be blind forever!” I happily announced.
Yet that was when it gifted my sight back, showing me the vast, cerulean-colored sea.
Oh! What a sight!
Better than all the painted masterpieces sold.
Better than the poetic narratives that most preached about.
And seconds later,
without noticing,
I was swimming in the bluest, most staggering, sea.
And I was filled with such peace and bliss,
that my worries began to softly melt away,
not caring about the fact that I wasn’t gifted with the skill of swimming…
Not caring if I would drown and die in this ravishing ocean,
where my body would either float on or drown in for all eternity.
I didn’t care!
… For I was feeling a connection with it that was just too unbearably remarkable.
Something that I couldn’t explain,
for no words would be enough…
No words could do it justice.
And even if there were the one word that would describe it perfectly,
no one would comprehend the gravity of this fondness,
for this feeling has yet to be felt by the rest of human kind.
But then the water started to drain away.
And I was left in a place filled with nothingness,
with a presence that not only embraced my soul,
but that now embraced my figure.
What felt like its arms pulled me in gently,
and as they did,
I could make out a brawny figure.
And as I caught my breath,
I sucked in the most delightful smell emanating from its form.
I could feel its arms resting on the small of my back as I listened to the symphony of his breaths.
I then let my head rest on this being’s chest,
and as I did,
a man was revealed out of thin air,
hugging me tightly,
his face buried in my hair.
He was white as milk,
but with a light touch of caramel.
His eyes were cerulean.
His hair was dirty blonde.
His figure was muscular, powerful, and grand!
And so breathtaking.
He was perfect…
Like a Greek God.
Everything about him had an air of mystery and a sense of complexity.
But in her head,
all she could perceive was the fact that he was just an angel gifted from above.
Her newfound inspiration.
A true miracle.
Her miracle!
One she would keep forever even if keeping him forever meant writing about him to the world daily.
She would do it…
All for him…
For she not only just discovered the beauty and inspiration she’d never had.
She had discovered something bigger…
BETTER!
… Love.
